Tagged: the unknown

Expressing Gratitude: Silencing my Inner Critic

Lately, I have been feeling really anxious. Watching my former high school classmates whizz through life, reaching one milestone after another makes me question what the heck is going on with my life. My future, in terms of career and relationships, seem nothing but blurry and uncertain. The more I think about it, the louder my inner critic becomes, telling me I am running out of time, and if I don’t achieve great things now, my chances will be taken away.

When my anxiety becomes painfully overwhelming, I found that the best way to silence my inner critic is through the expression of gratitude for everything, even the small stuff. Especially the small stuff!

So…what am I grateful for?

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I am grateful for the people in my life, and the kindness they have shown me.

The ones who paced by the window, waiting for my safe arrival home because it’s cold, wet and dark outside.
The one who offered to come grab me at night, only to sit there in silence as I cry, because I was having another emotional breakdown.
The one who, despite being a million miles away and in a different time zone, still reaches out to me by sending me words of positivity and encouragement.
The one who gives me genuine and honest advice/guidance on relationships, and self improvement without ever being impatient or judgmental.
And the one who always has my back, even if the rest of the world against me.

Even the ones who have wronged me, I am grateful for their existence, because if it weren’t for them, I would never have discovered the courage I have within to stand up for myself. To say “NO” when something goes against my morals.

But…what about the big questions in life? The stuff that I am always trying to find an answer to? Well guess what, lets be realistic, I’m not going to wake up one day and magically know the answers. Not tomorrow. Not next week.

I don’t know if I will be able to break into the field of my choice.
And even if I do, I don’t know if I will be able to afford my dream apartment, complete with my dream car and dream pet.
I don’t know even know if I will ever be able to operate a vehicle without fearing that I will get into an accident.
I don’t know if I am ever going to get married, have kids, and take happy family portraits like some of my friends.
I hope it doesn’t happen, but if I don’t get married, there’s a chance I will turn into the crazy cat lady who lives down the street, but I don’t know that for a fact!

And guess what?  IT’S OKAY!

It’s okay to not have the answers. It’s okay not to have those things figured out!
Even if my life isn’t going to be as exciting as those of my peers, my life isn’t going to suck and I won’t be forever doomed. One thing I know for sure is it’s still going to be awesome, but in a nerdy/funny/simple Karen kind of way because even if I don’t have the big stuff down, I have a ton of small stuff to be happy and thankful for.

I made a promise to myself, every time I feel my anxiety sneaking up on me again, I just need to count my blessings. I’m thankful for what I have, really, I am 🙂